It's all in the attitude

I haven't posted in a while.  Things have been C.R.A.Z.Y.  How about in your life?  Have you ever noticed that "when it rains, it pours?"  I guess that is why there's a cliche for it, eh?  I am laughing, but a few weeks ago... not so much!

"The Apartment"  went to hell in a handbag. (Is that a southern colloquialism or is it universal?)  I was trying to be practical, at first glance, it wasn't my first choice of living quarters, but I thought I could make it work, with cleaning and some paint, etc.  First, it was the bees and wasps, not just a few, but an infestation.  Cute little honey bees, hm?  Nope. Don't get me wrong.  I love bees. I love honey.  But not in my WALLS.  The landlord tore bricks out of the exterior to get them smoked out and they simply moved to the other wide of the building (still my apartment).  Landlord did not replace bricks, and with rain and southern humidity, I soon had... MUSHROOMS growing through my bathroom ceiling!!  It was (and still is) surreal.  After a lengthy bit of time, Landlord came and tore out ceiling, spraying something to kill mold (ha!) and said he repaired plumbing leaks overhead.  Nope.  Guy upstairs flushes or takes shower... well, you get the picture.  Actually, I wish I had taken some pictures... well, maybe not.  Kitchen sink drains into floor, couldn't wash dishes for over a week... yikes.  Then lady upstair's dryer starts venting into my dryer.  I came home late at night from second job and my apartment is stifling hot and I can't  breathe for the dryer sheets.  Welcome to my life in hell for 3 months.  Finally, said to heck with it and rented storage space, moving truck, and got out.  Whew.  Still recovering and here it is a month later. 

I hope I never have to go through anything like that again.  I'd love to hear your horror stories.  Personally, I feel like mine is the cake topper, but I could be wrong.  Now, why the title "It's all in the attitude" for this post?  I was actually quite proud of mine.  After an initial thorough meltdown, I was grateful for the 4:00 a.m. inspiration to move in with my mom and put my things in storage (again).  Initially, I was hopeful of being a blessing to her, with grass mowing, and possibly helping her have that yard sale she's always talking about.  I thought, with these crazy economic times, and the upcoming elections looming (I tend to get negative about our future), it'd be good for all our little family to be under one roof.  I've learned a lot about how to get along and what's important this past year.  I thought I could do it. And, I have done much better this time around.  (Am I the only 57 year-old woman who has moved back in with her mom countless times?)  I'd love to hear your stories about this, too!  I alternate between moving to the west coast (think Oregon and California) and back to my home town every 1-7 years! 

The big difference this time has been that I know I am responsible for my happiness.  I am no longer blaming her, at least not for very long, when things go wrong.  I'm realizing I am the Big Bad Bear, not her.  She's just this little old lady who gets pretty crusty, controlling and complaining (most of the time, lol).  And I can see me following in her footsteps, if I'm not pretty darn careful.  It does take a huge effort, at least for me, to change.  And, I'm grateful, that Dr. Greg Baer (www.reallove.com) has said, that some people never recover from childhood abuse, in an entire lifetime.  Years ago, I would beat myself up because I wasn't healed yet.  Nowadays I am amazed when I catch myself not responding in a way I would have even a year ago.  I am changing. Maybe not as fast or as much as I'd like sometimes, but I am changing.  If I keep it up, just think of how far I might get in this little lifetime that I have left to me.  See, it really is all in the attitude.

This link will help you with yours, I hope.  http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/07/18/5-character-traits-that-make-you-happy/

Progress Along the Path

Home is shaping up a bit.  I noticed that even though the unpacking is still in progress...AND the organizing, too, the act of hanging art on the walls... just the right piece in a certain place... is helping me to feel more at home.  It is soothing to look at my creations.  I have put my heart and soul into them.  They are a little like my children!  Any artist understands this. 

The Path - The Yellow Brick Road?  Found the image on this website http://littlesebagomaine.blogspot.com/ and found a new friend!

 

 

 

 

 I have re-learned that during very difficult emotional times, my toolkit is essential, my trail of breadcrumbs to help me find my way:  deep breathing, staying quiet, allowing feelings to come without adding drama, fresh air/exercise and healthy foods and last, but absolutely not least, is the desire and commitment to finding JOY and much of that comes with the choice to be grateful.  I am so blessed to live now, fully as I choose, daily, fresh air, sunshine, spring flowers, birds singing, health and most of my freedoms still in tact.  Too much to be grateful for to be grumbling and worried.  Where there's will, there's way provided.  We'll just keep on keeping on here... hope you are, too.  Please feel free to leave your trail of breadcrumbs in the comment section below!

Trauma Drama

Whew.  Well, the technical part of packing up and the actual move are over.  I know you can relate.  Now the unpacking.  I usually love this part, rediscovering my "things" again.  Not so much this time.  I left my 113-year old farmhouse in the country, with the winding road that looks pastoral-masterpiece-inspired, along with my kitties.  Eternal gratitude to my kind neighbor who is keeping the kittens and finding homes for the rest.  She even calls and gives me updates.  I really hated unpacking boxes that had kitty things inside.  I thought when I found this little apartment in town that it'd be great for kitties... fenced in backyard, almost in the woods although in the city... but after moving in discovered D-O-G-S lived in every apartment.  After trying to get 3 of my babies to acclimate, they all disappeared into the woods, one never to return, I took the other two back out to the country.  Sigh.

Everything is always such a mixed blessing.  My meager income was stretched too thin, commuting, feeding 9 cats.  I'm saving on gas, time, rent, utilities, and now, cat food.  I went for a little visit today and they wouldn't even come near me, but one, my little C.  Good for them.  They deserve a mom who won't leave (them for) town.

I cried for days, while I cleaned up the "old" place.  I'm better now that I don't have to go back there anymore.  They say six months after any major event, it's back to life-as-usual. I hope it doesn't take 6 months, but it may take longer.  I loved my house.  There were things about it I didn't, but overall, it was beautiful: huge... 2-3 acres surrounded by more woods and quiet neighbors.  The peace, quiet, incredible-dark-starlit-skies and sweet country air are sorely missed.  I really lost it the last time I stood on my front porch and remembered all the mornings I waited for the bus with my son, watched him take off running for it, and tried to prepare myself for the day when he'll fly free.  But through the tears, as I took boxes to the dumpster, I could spot a few dim stars overhead, and took consolation.  I've begun to notice things I like about the new place in spite of myself.  The cure for melancholy regret is always gratitude.  I was in a rut, nothing like moving to jolt you out of your routine and allow for different choices.

Once order is restored I'll take out my art supplies and create something, maybe even more often, at least that is my goal.  I even thought (gasp) at one point, I should just forget about art.  It sure would cut down on unpacking and the organization needed to make it work in a tiny apartment.  And, that urge, no matter what else I'm doing, to think, "What could I be making right now, if I wasn't doing this?"  The truth is that often when I have the time, I'm not in the "mood."

I sense that once settled in I may actually make more art and better art, since I'll have less house to keep up with, and be more "efficient."  That's the word a friend used when she saw the place.  Not much storage though, which will require that I eliminate anything I don't really need and use.  And, that's a good thing, at this age, less for others to dispose of.  And, I'm doing it willingly, less stress for others, again.  57 isn't that old, but I deal with seniors on the phone at work all day, and my mom and her siblings are 80ish.  So, I can't help but think that we (others my age) are all going through the same kinds of things.  Hard to watch our parents age, harder still to see ourselves following in their footsteps.  Aging is not pretty no matter how you approach it. 

I struggle with giving in (or up) or trying to find a place inside myself to begin, again... to muster up some energy for another goal, besides just raising my son right, although that would certainly be enough, if that's all I end up doing.  It's all I feel I can do right now.  While I toy with the idea of running for public office, ha ha ha ha! I'll be glad when elections are over and I can let it go.  Right now, it's urgent, I feel (again) somehow like I'm responsible for saving the free world, or what's left of the freedoms we once had.  If you are reading this, please, please, please, research the candidates.  No need to debate it, just really examine the freedoms that we are losing by the minute.  Please.  The pain of moving, getting older are bad enough without the thought of how painful it would be to have no freedoms left at all.

Healing with Art... and Love.

If tomorrow never came, would you be proud of the last thing you said to each person you love?

If "someday" was only "now", would you do everything you've always put off?

If you knew you had a choice about what kind of life you could be living, would you choose different?

If you knew failure is impossible, what would you do?

If it were true that everyone you meet is you in another body, how would you treat them?

If love was the true currency of the Universe and the more you gave away the more you received, how would you spend it?

If fear were the biggest illusion and the greatest lie of all time, how would you choose to live your life?

If the Universe always supported a life lived towards achieving dreams, how big would you dream?

—
Jackson Kiddard

My friend, Amanda, had this qouted on her website.  I highly recommend it:  "Kind Over Matter: Touching the World with kindness, inspiration, gentleness and love."  Sign up and just her newsletter in your emailbox will lift your day.  She knows all about healing.  She's all about nurturing and creating a space for love.

http://www.kindovermatter.com/2012/02/if-you-knew-failure-is-impossible-what.html?utm_source=Kind+Over+Matter%27s+RSS+E-mail+List&utm_campaign=61b34a7d40-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email

I have been remiss.  I haven't nurtured my own dream of "Whole-Hearted Art."  I haven't provided you with as many links to all the wonderful sites and artists who inspire me and keep me going every day.   That's changing today!  I'm going to let you know all the wonderful sites I visit daily!  

I'd also like to write about a very touchy subject today:  criticism.  We are all so sensitive.  Where does criticism fit into art, healing and life!?  I believe there has to be a platform for criticism if we are to grow.  We need to be able to see our own mistakes, and, face it, that isn't something most of us are very good at!  I'm much better at seeing the mistakes of others.  And, when is a "mistake" a mistake... we called them "happy accidents" in college... when a color got spilled or a page torn, we learned to make lemonade from lemons, please forgive the mixed metaphor (it's ok, I'm a mixed media artist, lol!).  Mistakes are times when maybe a different composition choice would have strengthened a work of art.  My college professor was brutal, never minced his words (nor his metaphors;-o), and I always came away having learned something.  

But, when it comes to healing through art... maybe the healing goal is more important.  Maybe one needs to feel safer for longer before criticism is applied.  I don't think anyone ever knows if NOW is the right time for criticism.  In Real Love terms, honesty is required if someone feels that the hearer is capable of hearing it and the speaker is capable of saying it lovingly.  And hindsight is 20/20.  Sometimes we don't know until the words leave our mouths, or much later, after the response has dissipated, if "it" was the right thing to say or not.  I like a quote I read earlier (and now I can't find it).  Something to the effect that we might be happier if we consider everyone we meet as ourselves.  I'm always meeting myself.  Another variation of the Golden Rule.  

So, how does one heal through art?  Much damage is done to us as children when we aren't nurtured.  Most of us remember at least one pain(t)ful moment when someone didn't look at something we had created and scoop us up in loving arms, heaping praises on our creation and on us.  It is healing to create, knowing there will be no criticism... pouring one's mind, soul, heart and spirit onto the canvas with the paint... and then dancing circles around the canvas giggling at the freedom and de-light!  These delights will allow us to replace the old experiences with new ones, with evidence we are loved and utterly, and delightfully loveable!  

I've been blessed lately to hear words that I've always longed to hear:  "You are precious."  "You are of infinite and incredible worth."  There is a growing community of Real Love people (www.reallove.com) who are all learning to be loving, and loving each other.  I listen in and participate on conference calls daily and nightly where I get to hear calm, nurturing, loving voices, accepting each other, giving each other what we are all starving for:  Real Love.  Hope you will join us.  Go to http://www.reallove.com/conferencecalls.asp for the schedule of calls, it's free.  It'll make a huge difference in your life.  Promise.

Some other sites visited and loved today:  

http://catherineparkinson.blogspot.com/
http://onemotheratatime.blogspot.com/
http://diondior.blogspot.com/
www.jessicaswift.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/artsyville

Art: A giving thing!

An online artist friend of mine, Liz Rosky, is starting a charity to benefit the children of the Honduras where she lives.  She needs donations of art supplies and funds to buy them, in order to continue to provide lessons for these children.  Please visit her website and make a contribution to a very worth cause. http://colourachildsworld.weebly.com/index.html She will so appreciate it.

 Liz has inspired me to take another step forward with Whole-Hearted Art.  Plus, it's tax return time.  I always feel like I need business cards, although I know that is just a formality.  I have my eye on some space on our main street, although it's pricey, and I'll probably need to find something elsewhere.  I imagine people just dropping in to create art at all times of the day.  I want to make it a non-profit and write a grant.  I need help doing these things, as I have no experience.  I want to make art, and the healing it can help provide, available to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay.  It seems to me that often the ones who need it the most are not in a position to pay for supplies, much less my time. 

So, I have no idea what any of this needs to look like... I'm going to spend my heart-time imagining it all coming together perfectly, Divine Order in all things.

Master Cleanser Results - Biggest Loser Progress

I made it through 8 days!  Woo hoo!  I'm always amazed at how much energy I have!  By Sunday afternoon I just couldn't stand the lemonade any longer and knew it was time to get back to eating.  Instead of taking several days to come off it properly, drinking diluted orange juice one day, full strength and with pulp the next, and soup the next, I moved through all three days in about 2 hours!  It worked out fine though.  I was down four more pounds at weigh in, but my experience is a pound or two is gained back within a few days, and that's fine.  So... although I love the time not spent in food preparation and the whole eating thing, it's almost just too high a spiritual wavelength for me.  I missed the exercise, didn't have the oomph for it.  And, now I feel like moving on with other projects, complete with fairly clean pipes (digestive system)!

The Master Cleanser - Day 4

Well, I was right!  Love being right.  I feel so wonderful for doing this cleanse.  I can NOT say enough good about it.  Contrary to the opinion a coworker expressed that this CAN'T possibly be good for you, and many people think that, I KNOW it IS!  How do I know it is?  My stomach is resting, it is peaceful... it is grateful for the break.  I have more energy.  I feel better.  My mind is clearer, even my vision is better.  I believe that most of the time many of us, at least I can speak for me, walk around in a fog of too much of the time, from grains, sugars and overeating!  Well, my head has popped out of the fog and I love it! Day 3 was great after I got past the salt water in the morning, I think getting the bulk of that out was the corner turner for me.  Today the salt water was a piece of, oh, no, not going to even say that!  a piece of steak!  No, not that either!!!  Actually that is the food I think of when I get a little hungry, a nice big fat slice of prime rib, yum, must be needing protein.  But, as long as I keep the lemonade going I don't think about food much.  In this way, I know that I don't really need much.  Did you ever imagine you could go 3-4 days with absolutely no food?  If you've never tried the Master Cleanser, you will never really know you're own body.

I can give you the Master Cleanser in a nutshell (oh, no, the food analogy again!):  2 teaspoons of sea salt early in the morning in 32 oz. of very good warm water.  Drink that up quickly as possible, it'll probably take you 15 minutes at least.  It isn't pleasant.  It isn't horrible though.  No stomach cramping.  And, if you've eaten mostly fruits and veggies a couple of days prior, everything will move right on out.  And, don't eat too much or too late the night before because you're body will still be digesting and it'll just be more uncomfortable.   That's what I did wrong this time.  I cooked brussel sprouts, onion and portabella mushrooms the night before and they were so good I ate too many, and too late.  The only thing you will ingest during the day is your lemonade, made from real lemon juice, Grade B maple syrup (NOT IMITATION), with a pinch of cayenne to aid in draining mucus from your sinuses.  Sounds gross, but it really isn't.  Not nearly as gross as carrying all this stuff around in our bodies.  This is our Temple.  We really should keep it clean.  Would you rather live in a clean house or a dirty one?  Sounds like a no-brainer to me!

And the added bonus is that my scales were down five pounds since Friday, and this is only Wednesday.  I don't do it just for the weight loss though.  Now I feel really strongly about coming off this in a few days and eating much much less, and much much cleaner.  A friend of mine recommended Mark's Daily Apple, and that is pretty much the way I've felt better eating.  Check it out at www.marksdailyapple.com  It's kind of a caveman/woman diet!